How come almost nobody — like you and me, for instance — but the president wears a flag pin in his lapel, and would get roundly chastised if he opted not to, but can when he’s playing a round of golf?
How come viewers at the arrival of the Official Christmas Tree at the White House got miffed when the First Lady simply gave it a thumbs up and spared her audience an awkward speech? (They actually did.)
How come people who live in the hills surrounding L.A. who got burned out last year insisted on staying so they could get flooded out this winter?
How come nobody sends Christmas cards anymore, opting instead for those dumb electronic messages attached to emails — the ones with ads at the bottom that solicit still more customers?
How come in those new car ads they say “zero percent down, zero percent interest, and zero payments” until who knows when, and then add something like $4000 due before you drive it off the lot?
How come you’re not allowed to use the word f*** in a “family newspaper” or magazine or reference the “f-word,” even though everyone knows exactly what you mean by disguising said word? When did that become a “bad” word?
How come public figures, of greater or lesser degree, have to apologize when they f*** up, even mildly…oh, if they inadvertently insult someone with an unpleasant epithet? And is the offendee allowed to smirk when the offender is summarily humbled?
How come the blockbuster movies that come out just before Christmas — the ones you really want to see — have limited distribution to just the hotsy-totsy theaters in Hollywood and don’t go city-wide until after the holidays?
How come the reality shows (a misnomer if there ever was one) still haven’t died a merciful death? Have they no pity whatsoever?
How come only little kids know how to operate smart phones? (And if you don’t believe the target audience is from the nose-picking crowd, I invite you to visit your local Apple store. We did recently for help in solving the mysteries of my I-pod — which was largely ineffectual — and quickly discovered that we were about two generations removed from the clientele.)
How come the instructions that came with your new computer only make sense after you make all the mistakes in the book?
How come all of the good commercials only show up on the Super Bowl?
How come the national news programs are always filled with commercials for drugs that are supposed to cure you of dread diseases, especially those that are more common for older people?
How come your house was the only one on the street with no decorations during the holidays?
How come you said, “This year we’re not gonna spend a lot on each other for Christmas” and agreed on it, and then blew a wad anyhow?
How come I can only come up with crap like this to start the new year?